It’s the great unmentionable that everyone’s talking about. The Scottish National Party’s desperate bid to get a platform on the English premier league. The Scottish squad has made repeated attempts to get equal treatment with the English teams during the BBC coverage of next year’s finals. They’re hoping that their midfield miracle worker, Alex Salmond, will show that he really can play hard ball with the big boys.
But the reaction from the English premier league has been negative. “They’re just turkeys voting for an early bath, quite frankly”, said one top English TV supremo: “We don’t want any jumped up Jocks coming on our TV and alternately boring the pants off the viewers and then frightening the life out of them with their sectarian chants and parochial obsessions. ” There is concern that English viewers might not understand what Salmond says and could switch off in droves. Said one English fan: “It’s a diabolical liberty. We thought we’d got shot of the Scots, and here they are demanding to be back on our television screens”.
The other Scottish teams are similarly contemptuous of the move. “The SNP have just shot themselves in both left feet” said the Labour United supremo Iain Gray. “Salmond’s obsession with playing in England is undermining the rest of the Scottish division and will put off potential sponsors. They should be supporting the Scottish game, not trying to get their faces on English TV sets. They’re falling between two stools with their tails between their legs. ”.
Blues boss Annabel Goldie predicted that Scottish fans would desert them. “It’s time they got the ball in the net in Scotland instead of crying foul every ten minutes. Alex Salmond will be sick as a parrot when he sees how this plays with the home support. The SNP would be playing in a different league all right: it’s relegation time for the nationalist club. ”
But the old firm is adamant that its future lies in getting a piece of the UK action. The club is contemplating taking legal action against the BBC if it tries to lock the SNP out of future live action coverage. “At the end of the day, we’re itching to get our kit on and show what we’re made of against the top English firms”, said an SNP insider. “We need to get access to the UK media where the real money is. That’s the carrot at the end of the tunnel . Top commentator Lonnie Donnegan said: “It may seem a no brainer for the nationalists. But if they can’t stand the heat they really should stay out of the ring” ”.